tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56859792012-01-08T13:36:42.764-05:00In which the author explains why you're not capable of properly managing your own affairs and directs you how to behave more acceptably.Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.comBlogger6061100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1168557640604816122007-01-11T18:20:00.000-05:002007-01-11T18:20:40.856-05:00

Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06793275572230469138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149117205266217122006-06-07T19:12:00.001-04:002009-02-02T20:21:04.534-05:00

Thanks to Jay Pinkerton and company, I've found a new home at Cracked.com. Just in time, too; Blogger just added word verification to posts. Nuts to that, I say.There's still some tweaking to do, but effective immediately, you can point your computers at http://manvsclown.cracked.com/.Update: It's not quite ready for prime time after all. In the meantime, I'm going to keep this notice at the top

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149697142354141502006-06-07T11:56:00.000-04:002006-06-07T12:19:03.163-04:00

The big news this morning is that a suspect arrested in the recent busting-up of a Canadian terrorist cell allegedly plotted to kidnap and behead Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Wouldn't the terrorists have been surprised when sparks shot out of the neck, and the head just kept on talking?This is Stephen Harper.This is Stephen Harper with his head cut off.Coincidentally (or perhaps not so

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149693317467186192006-06-07T11:15:00.000-04:002006-06-07T11:15:18.460-04:00

Whenever someone calls something "gay" in a pejorative way, I think of my old schoolmate and co-worker Ryan O'Keefe. Ol' Keefer was the all-time king of calling bad things "gay". You might say he was a real gaylord. Everything he didn't like was "gay", and sometimes it seemed he didn't like anything except the word "gay", which he loved.This habit was bound to eventually get him in trouble with

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149609887023166822006-06-06T12:04:00.000-04:002006-06-06T12:11:41.336-04:00

I usually skip the "Keeping in Touch" notes that my alma mater mails out, because, honestly, who wants to keep in touch with anyone from their alma mater (or even anyone who uses the phrase "alma mater", for that matter)? Nevertheless, I opened an e-mail yesterday to find out that my old pal Bruce Lin (who is Chinese and thus no relation, though I did make him an honorary cousin) is going to be

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149385264384736542006-06-05T09:35:00.000-04:002006-06-05T11:06:39.970-04:00

Uhura: Captain, the terrorist leader has said that if their demands are not met, they will begin executing colonists every five minutes.Kirk: Set phasers on stun, wide radius, and fire. Beam all life signs to the brig. Take a security team, separate all colonists from the terrorists, and beam them back to the surface. Set course for the nearest starbase and inform them we have prisoners in

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148408985372290902006-06-02T14:27:00.000-04:002006-06-02T21:46:10.990-04:00

"Who's this manatee in the 'before' picture?" "Lavalife is a sad catalog of human jetsam. Yes, I know you're on it." "Your mum's back's still bothering her? Say the word, and I'll come by with some scented candles and flavored oils."

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149264392672044852006-06-02T09:41:00.000-04:002006-06-02T12:11:32.173-04:00

I got an e-mail very much like this one this morning:From: Victor@Initech.comTo: Peter@Initech.com06/02/2006 09:20 AMSubject: see linkhttp://www.peterlynnkites.co.nz/congratulationsVictorWhat he's telling me is that there's a guy in New Zealand with the same name as me who makes kites. This is the equivalent of telling Jay Pinkerton that he shares a name with the co-holder of the record for the

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149099449248812342006-05-31T14:11:00.000-04:002006-06-01T14:17:12.776-04:00

"Peter, should this be 'inhumane' with an 'e' here, or should it be 'inhuman' without the 'e'?""'Inhuman', without the 'e'.""What's the difference?""Well, 'inhumane' means 'not humane'—cruel or monstrous in a moral way. 'Inhuman' means 'not human'—animal-like or monstrous like an actual monster. If I were to stab you in the gut with my pen right now, I would be inhumane. But if I were to turn

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149044734428910942006-05-31T09:15:00.000-04:002006-05-31T09:32:17.466-04:00

This has been making the rounds lately, but if you haven't seen it, here it is: A YouTube video of Mr. Rogers testifying before the US Senate.One of the few work-safe things on Rotten.com describes the situation thus:In the late 1960s, the U.S. Senate was considering cutting in half an important twenty million dollar grant for so-called "public broadcasting". Fred, not yet famous with adults, was

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148965801294800372006-05-30T01:07:00.000-04:002006-05-30T01:10:01.306-04:00

I saw this on Conan a while back and laughed myself sick at its simple, childish hilariousness. I even went online to NBC's website to see if it was there, but no dice. I figured I'd never see it again, until Susan at Unnecessary Dramatics posted it. Bless her.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148924827591127672006-05-29T13:45:00.000-04:002006-05-29T17:04:20.393-04:00

Man, the TTC sucks.Update (3:22 p.m.): Ace public transit blog Transit Toronto reported at 2:48 that the wildcat TTC strike is over. Given the three-hour estimate that I've heard it takes to get the system running gain, service should be restored by around a quarter to six, which happens to be when I leave work. So I should be fine getting home, which is a relief.This strike totally caught me

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148062919246626582006-05-26T14:01:00.000-04:002006-05-26T14:03:56.183-04:00

"You know what’s worse than the beer farts? The Molson mudslide. Last Sunday morning, it looked like a parade route after the horses had gone by." "I bit into that Boston Cream donut and the filling shot all over my face. It was like a Bukkake Cream donut." "Man, it smells like a horse farted grilled cheese sandwiches in here."

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148600677912977002006-05-25T19:12:00.000-04:002006-05-25T19:44:38.166-04:00

Last night, I was telling a friend about the TTC Rider Efficiency Guide. I figured it'd be up her alley, as she's the sort who hates the crowds on the subway so much that she takes the 97 Yonge bus instead, which takes longer but is less crowded. That strategy is in fact specifically mentioned in the site's list of Unorthodox Tips for Riding the TTC, so I figured she might like to see what else

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139949887292999022006-05-25T13:44:00.000-04:002006-05-25T15:15:34.926-04:00

I had some ideas for parties you could have:Beach Party MassacreI’ve actually done this one. Back when I worked at the school paper at university, we were racking our brains to come up with a theme for an upcoming party. I was usually no help at this, considering I usually came up with an excuse to just wear a bathrobe no matter what the actual theme was. But this time, someone suggested, “Beach

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148572208030318422006-05-25T11:23:00.000-04:002006-05-25T13:13:02.943-04:00

Henceforth, I'm going to just start making up Scripture to back up my points. All I've got to do is get good at talking the talk so I can sound old-timey when I improv. Everyone will give me credit for being learned in the Bible, and really, no one's going to bother to look any of my references up. I'm pretty Jack Van Impe has been making up all his impressive rapid-fire Scriptural references on

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148482075505640142006-05-24T10:20:00.000-04:002006-05-24T11:27:18.920-04:00

I already said I'm not a big fan of all those online tests that infest blogs everywhere, but I jumped at the chance to take the Personality Defect Test (found via Joey "Braggart" deVilla). Ever since I broke up with my last girlfriend in university, I've missed having someone around to point out my personality defects. There's always my annual performance review and my trips home for the holidays

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148110782652142922006-05-22T05:35:00.000-04:002006-05-22T17:38:35.516-04:00

Back home, I used to have this neighbor named Jake, who was a 72-year-old American WWII vet. He was a good guy, but being of a different generation, he wasn't always so politically correct. One time we were having a beer in the only bar in the little hamlet of Rockport, which was on the ground floor of a bed-and-breakfast run by two gentlemen who'd lately relocated there from Toronto. Jake was

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148190612801700762006-05-21T01:48:00.000-04:002006-05-21T01:50:12.813-04:00

When you walk into your house and think, Man, it smells like a horse farted grilled cheese sandwiches in here, it's time for spring cleaning.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147917326877510362006-05-19T12:54:00.000-04:002006-05-19T16:48:21.283-04:00

Set aside a spare hour to enjoy these over the long weekend: A couple of failed TV pilots, courtesy of YouTube. Blame the dopes in suits at the networks for not realizing how awesome they are.Lookwell, created by Conan O'Brien and Robert Smigel, and starring Adam West as a former TV detective show star turned real-life amateur sleuth.Heat Vision and Jack, directed by Ben Stiller and starring Jack

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147724355378759822006-05-19T12:18:00.000-04:002006-09-18T14:53:52.480-04:00

"Man, now that your diet is over, you'll be able to leave a nice fatty floater for the first time in months.""The blossoms on the trees outside have this really nauseating stench. It smells like John Wayne's semen." "What? No, I'm fine. I mean, I'm going to completely spaz out in a moment and snap this needle off in my arm, but right now, I'm fine."

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147923285425315412006-05-18T13:29:00.000-04:002006-05-18T12:35:48.186-04:00

Here's a little something WFMU's Beware of the Blog enthusiastically calls the "best homoerotic fight seen [sic] ever" (the misspelling can be forgiven on account of their excitement). There are other strong contenders for that title (cf. Patrick Swayze in Road House and 50 Cent in Get Rich or Die Tryin'), but it's all naked, sweaty, glistening torsos, and it's got to be seen to be believed. You

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147916600971083142006-05-17T21:41:00.000-04:002006-05-17T21:44:14.620-04:00

For those of you who have dated sharks, and for those who merely love them, allow me to present the trailer for Must Love Jaws.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147625003166093172006-05-16T12:42:00.000-04:002006-05-16T15:10:04.313-04:00

Well, here's a guy I want to kick in the face: some copywriter named Ray Del Salvio who’s started a campaign to get “concept” listed in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as a verb. (Here’s a Slate article on him, and here’s the hub of his linked blogs promoting his campaign.) As Bill Watterson said, "verbing weirds language," and it always seems to be the people in marketing who weird the language

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147746174055750672006-05-15T22:11:00.000-04:002006-05-15T22:24:35.936-04:00

Though we both kind of disapprove of internet quizes, Jay sent this grammar quiz along, figuring you folks might like seeing how I did. I should point out, however, that a couple of the questions are matters of style rather than grammar, and couple are matters of taste. That notwithstanding, it appears that I'm in the 1% of test-takers who got all the questions right. At least, it didn't tell me

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147635038697798252006-05-15T14:17:00.000-04:002006-05-15T16:02:14.483-04:00

In lieu of new content today, here's a series of five-year-old forum posts that I ran across the other day:From: Peter LynnDate: Thu Sep 13, 2001 9:01 pmSubject: Maybe I really am too picky, but...…It annoyed me to sit and listen to my managing editoruse "impact" as a verb. He should know better than that.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------From: "Scott

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147199072413012282006-05-12T17:23:00.000-04:002006-09-18T14:49:38.603-04:00

"Chris gave me a titty-twister so bad I'm lactating." "Maybe you girls think you know a lot about raising your kids, but when mine need to be punished, I'm just going to lock them in a giant hamster ball like David Blaine. 'Get into the Sphere of Discipline!'" "Man, I just had a rough time on the can. I thought I was going to have to get Bobby Brown to come over and pull a dookie

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147310290530369632006-05-10T21:15:00.000-04:002006-05-11T17:12:44.060-04:00

This has nothing to do with the below, but check it out. Jesus. This is the Bugs Bunny you don't see anymore: a stone cold murderer.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147306452168952642006-05-10T20:11:00.000-04:002006-05-11T01:13:58.023-04:00

You always poked your head right next to mine and annoyed me with your stinky breath every time we went in Scott's car, but you were a good dog.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147285133810910332006-05-10T14:11:00.000-04:002006-05-10T14:18:53.996-04:00

From today's Metro:Was he lewd? Was he rude? He was both! He was "lude"! (Also considered: "rewd".)

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1146078599152664932006-05-09T13:56:00.000-04:002006-05-09T14:25:20.576-04:00

Remember the Budweiser "Whassup" ads from a few years ago? The "Whassup" thing is so over, right? The Wayans brothers parodied it in the first Scary Movie back in 2000, so that means that old horse must have been stone dead about six months before they got around to beating it, right?Wrong. There's still one time when it's not only permissible, but even appropriate: When someone's having an

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147112508109551852006-05-08T14:09:00.000-04:002006-05-08T14:25:33.876-04:00

(Note: I got my 100,000th page load this weekend. That's what happens when you have a couple of free days to sit around and hammer that F5 button.)Friday night, I was at my fencing practice. Because there weren't many people there, our club president decided to coach a line exercise, which is pretty much what you might guess: You form a line, and each person takes a turn doing a short exercise

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1146840229555619062006-05-05T10:12:00.000-04:002006-05-05T10:49:57.910-04:00

Today's Metro had this article excerpted from this month's issue of Elle Canada. I can't find an HTML version at either site, so here's an image of it yanked from the PDF version of Metro.Non-Canadians and/or the politically apathetic might not know why this article had me laughing out loud on the subway. I'll let the Wikipedia article on Belinda Stronach tell you why:In 2004, she entered the

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1146673602859098182006-05-03T13:05:00.000-04:002006-05-03T12:26:43.086-04:00

Last night, just a block away from my house, I saw a policeman get off his bicycle and walk up onto a porch to knock on the door. I immediately wondered how much trouble I'd be in if I just jumped up his bike and furiously pedalled away. I bet it happens more than you'd expect. It's too funny not to. I'm collaborating on a new comic with Jay. I wrote some stuff for the script, then I

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1146514410160772722006-05-01T13:12:00.000-04:002006-05-01T16:14:16.703-04:00

Here's a sad thought: For a woman to be perfectly suited to a man, her ideal age is supposedly half his age plus seven years. For example, if he’s 20 years old, she should be 17. If he’s 30, she should be 22. If he’s 40, she should be 27. This means that the ideal woman for a man ages at a slower rate than he does, which means it’s impossible for her to remain his one ideal partner throughout

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1146464882236167532006-05-01T07:27:00.000-04:002006-05-01T10:01:45.230-04:00

I was all set to post something about our favorite blowhard newsman's speech at the White House Correspondents Association dinner, in which Stephen Colbert unleashed a merciless roasting of President Bush right to the latter's increasingly red-faced and tight-lipped face. Thankfully, Slowly Going Bald has saved me the trouble and included links to the video to boot. Do yourself a favour and watch

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145648506781952772006-04-28T13:38:00.000-04:002006-04-28T14:25:53.046-04:00

"I went out for beer and nachos last night, and I just took a dump so bad I think I've got to go see a psychiatrist.""I'm such a hypochrondriac. I thought I tore my hip flexor, but it turned out I just had a pimple.""You know what might sell well? A Realdoll the size and shape of an 11-year-old."

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145990123123586372006-04-25T13:58:00.000-04:002006-04-27T15:07:52.260-04:00

Found on TurtleIsland.org, a message board for native Canadians in a post about the land dispute at Caledonia:[...] the effort made by Indian Affairs to intervene, fell apart when Haudenosaunee Clan Mothers dismissed the appointment of Michael Coyle who was named as a fact finder. The one fact he found very quickly when he met with them, was that he was not welcome and was told to leave.Owned!

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145914947990943922006-04-24T13:59:00.000-04:002006-04-24T19:38:00.706-04:00

I’m cannibalizing a comment I left at Jaime Weinman’s Something Old, Nothing New so I can put it up for discussion here. In a post about the recently announced upcoming Star Trek movie, which will concern the first meeting of Kirk and Spock at Starfleet Academy and will have new actors in those roles, he writes this:What I'd really like to see, actually, is a revival of the original Trek with new

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145766927298193862006-04-23T00:32:00.000-04:002006-04-23T00:50:48.036-04:00

"Has anyone ever told you that you render the sun uncomely?" I asked the waitress.She burst into laughter. "Yes!"I am the master of the five-month callback.(I just realized that the first person who commented on that previous post was the wife of Serge Bielanko of Marah, whom I've mentioned are awesome. Go look at her site. He's a lucky, lucky man.)

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145749095385055092006-04-22T19:37:00.000-04:002006-04-23T00:58:05.156-04:00

On this day, an intersexed kitten named Cassandra Kazenzakis was born. You may know him better as Roast Beef. And if you don't, then you need to go here and here.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145639518521985362006-04-21T13:58:00.000-04:002006-04-21T21:18:54.206-04:00

My mom mentioned a story at Easter that I don’t think I’d ever heard before, because I can’t imagine forgetting it.Before he retired, my dad was a landlubber employee of the Canadian Coast Guard, a technician who tested navigational aid equipment—lights, solar panels, and other things like that. He worked at CCG Base Prescott, which was a century-old building on the town’s main street that used

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145541947027576942006-04-20T09:13:00.000-04:002006-04-20T12:02:45.520-04:00

On the ride in this morning, my bus driver drove around the block for absolutely no reason.For the first half of the trip, it looked like he was going to just drive back to the station with a full load of passengers, but after the third turn, it was apparent he was just going in a circle. My guess is that he’d just kind of zoned out earlier and found he couldn’t make a left turn because he was in

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145471466868533372006-04-19T13:29:00.000-04:002006-04-19T14:39:41.456-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my old girlfriend Michelle. Here’s how it went:Michelle: I’m so tired. I got up at 3:00 a.m. this morning.Me: Why so early?Michelle: No reason. Then I had a steak for breakfast.Me: Really? Did you have steak and eggs? Did you go out for breakfast?Michelle: No I just fried up a steak. Then I flew to work on my magic carpet!Me: Oh. I see.I bring this up

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1145283944323900392006-04-17T09:04:00.000-04:002006-04-23T01:04:34.450-04:00

McSweeney's—man, how long has it even been? Tyler forwarded me an article from there a couple of weeks ago, and I was astonished to realize the droll literary humour site still existed. As with the Onion, I used to check McSweeney's faithfully, but my interest eventually petered out as the schtick wore thin.* (It’s not humour for gauche philistines who like to actually laugh. It's humour for

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144959391108454582006-04-14T16:15:00.000-04:002006-04-14T22:30:35.526-04:00

Not that I expect to need it, but just in case, I've decided on my gay porn name: Gaylord RamsbottomI bet there are a lot of Chinese academics who have more letters after their names than in their names.After you sneeze really hard, it's fun to clutch your side and groan, "Oh! My stitches!"

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144942234479478722006-04-13T13:26:00.000-04:002006-04-13T11:31:26.363-04:00

"de Sade? Not bad!" "120 Days of Awesome!" "The name on the marquee says de Sade!" "If you don't pick up this book and become a Sadist right away, you're a masochist!" "Reading this book isn't like getting brutally sodomized ... but it's the next best thing!" "The most perverted book available anywhere!"

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144889273296460442006-04-13T08:27:00.000-04:002006-04-13T19:34:54.616-04:00

About a week ago, Tyler mentioned to me that he'd rented Capote and King Kong. He didn't mean to rent King Kong; he'd just tried to catch out the video store for not having any copies of King Kong for rent as guaranteed, which would have meant he'd be entitled to a free substitute pick, which he was going to use to get Capote, the movie he really wanted to see in the first place. Only, the video

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144696475400289062006-04-10T15:11:00.000-04:002006-04-10T15:14:35.806-04:00

Me: Hey, is that your MP3 player? What's on it?My niece [sorting through songs]: Green Day ... Jessica Simpson ... you'll have to read that one. I can't say it.Me: "Shake Ya Ass". You can't say that?My niece: I'll get in big trouble.["Shake Ya Ass" pumps through car stereo, which is connected to MP3 player by a patch cord. Meanwhile, in the front seat ...]My mom: Green light, Jennifer.My sister:

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144342255046252302006-04-06T13:48:00.000-04:002006-04-06T12:52:43.690-04:00

Dane Cook Swedish Chef

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144272912406564632006-04-05T17:28:00.000-04:002006-04-05T21:11:29.666-04:00

Here's a great, very long Q&A with Brian Stack. Who's he? Just a writer from Late Night with Conan O'Brien that I always find hilarious in bit parts such as Hannigan the travelling salesman and Artie Krendall, the crooning ghost. I post this mostly because I'm only halfway through and I'm terrified of accidentally crashing the computer or something and losing the link, but you might enjoy it too.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144262890365907742006-04-05T14:36:00.000-04:002006-04-05T14:52:30.563-04:00

I was watching an old episode of Saturday Night Live from the lamented 1985/86 season this weekend and was astounded to see Bruce McCulloch in a bit part in a short film. I knew he used to write for the show (and he likely wrote that short film, for that matter), but I never knew he'd ever been onscreen. The premise was that it was a public service announcement in which Anthony Michael Hall's

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144246758247405832006-04-05T10:17:00.000-04:002006-04-05T10:20:01.466-04:00

Who's Tom Darby, you ask? Just some guy I went to school with.(I make this joke every year.)(I always remember Tom Darby's birthday because it's three days before mine.)

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144078346800766222006-04-03T13:29:00.000-04:002006-04-03T14:57:19.116-04:00

Howard Stern is pissed at his fans because they haven't all followed him to satellite radio. "It's insulting to me that everyone hasn't come with me. I take it personally," Fox News.com quotes him as saying in an Entertainment Weekly interview. (I know, I know—Fox News, Peter? But the link is worthwhile if only to see how the article is interrupted for an ad with the promise "Story continues

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1144072969702639472006-04-03T09:52:00.000-04:002006-04-03T10:02:49.946-04:00

Here's a great bit from the entry on Michigan J. Frog from TeeVeePedia, TeeVee.org's April Fool's Day faux-Wikipedia redesign:As a mascot for The WB, Michigan J. Frog was an unusually prescient choice: He presaged financial ruin for his backers, and proved to be lively and entertaining only when no one was watching.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1143836796938588512006-03-31T14:01:00.000-05:002006-04-03T02:29:04.313-04:00

As it turns out, my mom didn't win the vacant provincial parliamentary seat in Toronto-Danforth. NDP candidate Peter Tabuns squeaked out a narrow victory over former anchorman and star Liberal candidate Ben Chin. The seat was vacated when longtime incumbent and deputy NDP leader Marilyn Churley left to unsuccessfully run for a seat in the federal parliament. (Well, she actually left to

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1143766327706208672006-03-30T19:42:00.000-05:002006-03-30T19:52:07.826-05:00

Today was a special day for two reasons. First, Kimberly Ann Leizert was born on this day in 1949. Happy 47th, Mom!The other thing was that I walked over to Westwood Middle School after work. "Is this where I sign up to get extra math help?" I asked."No, this is where you vote in the provincial by-election," they said."Oh, good," I said. "I need to do that too."Once I got behind the voter screen,

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1143729412032910012006-03-30T09:08:00.000-05:002006-03-30T09:36:52.200-05:00

Hands-down, the most gullible person I've ever known was my high-school friend Annemarie, who may be singlehandedly responsible for the boom in "ditzy blonde" jokes during the '90s. We worked together at the grocery store near the school, and every day, she'd start work before me, and every day, I'd sneak up behind her and startle her while she was bent over the deli displays, arranging cheese.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1143577890578695872006-03-28T15:17:00.000-05:002006-03-28T15:31:30.740-05:00

The inability of bodybuilders to read notwithstanding, my company is releasing a book. Every time I think the project is finished off, it pops up again. This morning, the intern who I fooled with my "World's Greatest Dad" trophy stopped by while I was giving it my third proofread. Seeing I was busy, she left. Later, after I'd finished, she came back."What happened to the book you were working on?

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1143486395667092742006-03-27T14:02:00.000-05:002006-03-27T14:40:07.060-05:00

At first, becoming a martyr for Islam and being rewarded with 72 virgins when you go to Paradise seems like a pretty good deal. But if you're there for eternity, you're simply going to burn through all those virgins way too quickly, and then what are you going to do?True, the 72-virgin thing is probably just a guarantee rather than a hard cap. After that, you're probably free to score any

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1143228881527838922006-03-24T14:06:00.000-05:002006-03-27T12:43:52.110-05:00

A poster in the comments thread of today's Comics Curmudgeon entry links to the even-more confounding Spanish-language version of today's Garfield strip:This would be the best Garfield comic I have seen in a long time if I hadn't recently seen a thread at Truth and Beauty Bombs showing how, if one simply deletes Garfield's dialogue, it is, in one poster's word's, "just a sad man talking to his

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1143212195323502412006-03-24T09:28:00.000-05:002006-03-24T10:07:46.293-05:00

Last night I fell asleep around 10:00 p.m., and when I woke up in a haze later, I was so convinced that I had only nodded off and that it couldn't possibly be 12:25 a.m. that I actually reset the clock back by two hours.I figured it out after a while, but I'm probably going to use this as my excuse next time I'm late for work. It's kind of like calling in sick with diarrhea: It's embarrassing

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1136423999313211902006-03-23T13:56:00.000-05:002006-03-23T14:11:09.130-05:00

It's hard to flirt effectively while holding a dead cat in a bag. I've tried.I was in my second year at Queen's University that fall, living in a house that was just a block off campus. As all but the very most attractive of us all do at some point or another, I found myself waiting by the phone one night for a offhandedly promised call that wasn't going to come. Eventually midnight rolled around

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1137128694120291292006-03-22T14:04:00.000-05:002006-03-22T14:25:18.866-05:00

"All right, mister, what do you think you're doing? You call this a room? This is a pigsty! I want you to straighten up this area now! You are a disgusting slob! Stand up straight, tuck in that shirt, adjust that belt buckle, tie those shoes! Twisted Sister? What is that? Wipe that smile off your face! Do you understand? What is that? A Twisted Sister pin? On your uniform? What kind of a man are

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1142967799354768182006-03-21T14:01:00.000-05:002006-03-21T14:03:19.376-05:00

Note to self: Babies are not cats. Holding something jangly just out of reach and pulling it away when they try to grab it will not result in hours of fun as they repeatedly leap to snatch it from you. It will simply make them cry and make you look mean in front of everybody.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1142650673524021252006-03-17T21:50:00.000-05:002006-03-17T23:58:43.943-05:00

Guess whose birthday it is? St. Patrick's, of course. But it's also the birthday of my pal Barry the smooth-talking ladies' man. Here's my birthday gift to him: a novelty T-shirt design for him to wear to the bars to pick up women next year (or this year, if he can whip it together quickly enough. He's on the West Coast, so there's time). You can use it too, if you like. I'm sure neither of us

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1142566000226260292006-03-17T01:26:00.000-05:002006-03-17T14:45:40.523-05:00

You can make your arguments for Satchel Paige or Josh Gibson, but new sabermetric analysis shows the greatest baseball player never to play in the major leagues was Bugs Bunny.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1142473153563283792006-03-15T20:34:00.000-05:002006-03-15T20:39:13.580-05:00

I saw a toupee today that was so obvious I felt personally insulted. Did he really think I was so stupid I would believe it? If it had been any less subtle, it could have been reclassified as a hat. I should have confronted that guy.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1142458263873810392006-03-15T16:24:00.000-05:002006-03-15T16:31:03.893-05:00

Last weekend—and I'm not making this up—a friend of mine got ambushed by her ex-fiancé's ex-wife, who smashed a beer bottle over her head.My immediate reaction was to ask, "What brand?"I was so ready to sneer if it had been a Coors Light or something. But she didn't remember, what with the vicious assault and everything.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1142348386862995502006-03-14T09:48:00.000-05:002006-03-14T09:59:46.886-05:00

I had a little micronap on the bus this morning, and when I opened my eyes, I saw a sign on the side of a truck for some company called Urbacon. But because I was a little disoriented, I read it as Ur-bacon—as in, the delicious original bacon.Naturally, I took this as a sign that I should have a BLT when I got to work.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1142278583926807222006-03-13T14:26:00.000-05:002006-03-13T14:36:23.943-05:00

Here's my favorite new way to be vaguely insulting since I thought of staring into the space between two people's faces as they stand side by side so they don't know quite which one you're looking at and saying, "Huh. You're right. There really is no comparison."With a sigh, muse to someone, "You know, sometimes I think it would be easier just to be like you." When asked to explain what the hell

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1142005457232929252006-03-10T10:41:00.000-05:002006-03-10T10:44:17.250-05:00

Something to try: Don't tear off today's page from your page-a-day calendar until someone notices it and points out that it's no longer Thursday. When this happens, look surprised and elated. Tear off the page enthusiastically, and say "TGIF!" as though receiving a gift from God.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141951870218733302006-03-09T19:42:00.000-05:002006-03-09T19:51:10.236-05:00

I nearly forgot to mention this, but a certain collaboration between your author and one Jay Pinkerton detailing the origin of a particular caped crusader and world's greatest detective has been posted at Cracked.com in a digitally remastered version less likely to attract the notice of DC Comics' attorneys. Click here to see part one of the Dusk-Man origin story.While you're at it, if you missed

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141926637934835552006-03-09T12:49:00.000-05:002006-03-09T13:17:40.996-05:00

Why the hell did I list building a Dyson sphere as one of my objectives for this year in my self-evaluation at work last year? That wasn't a realistic goal.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141849642051122312006-03-08T15:25:00.000-05:002006-03-08T15:27:22.073-05:00

I'm not saying Hilary Duff is horse-faced, but I heard that when she made her last movie, they put some peanut butter in her mouth and dubbed in her lines later.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141758651543397862006-03-08T13:51:00.000-05:002006-09-18T13:56:43.196-04:00

I lent Jamie Baker three dollars, and he still hasn't paid it back. That was more than fifteen years ago.We were on some class trip, and he borrowed the money to buy an ice cream cone. I don't know if he forgot about it or was simply a cheapskate, but later on I reminded him of the debt, and he denied it. "I don't owe you dick from smack!" he shouted.I don't owe you dick from smack.I was pretty

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141325654366569102006-03-07T13:47:00.000-05:002006-03-07T13:48:01.846-05:00

"You know, Star Trek: The Next Generation wasn't the first sequel series to the original. There was also Star Trek: The Animated Series, but it's not considered canonical.""No? Why not?""Probably because it sometimes had stuff from outside the usual Star Trek universe, like Larry Niven's Kzin.""Whose what?""The Kzin. They're a feline warrior race, like the Kilrathi in Wing Commander.""That awful

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1140494498142242422006-03-06T13:56:00.000-05:002006-03-06T14:04:35.626-05:00

I was going through some old e-mail, trying to figure out an easy way to migrate all my old mail from my old Yahoo account to my new one (if you know one, please let me know), and I ran across the following story about my old housemate Salma, who was a Muslim feminist social worker but was surprisingly fun anyway. However, I still don't understand what was going on with her here:There used to be

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141578808616406132006-03-06T09:12:00.000-05:002006-03-06T09:36:34.660-05:00

If The Simpsons were a live action show, the opening sequence might look just like this.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141444374714260862006-03-03T22:48:00.000-05:002006-03-03T22:52:54.716-05:00

The very day I posted the recent entry listing more of my doppelgängers, someone coincidentally told me about another supposed lookalike. It hardly seems worthwhile to start another new post for the one entry so soon over the last one, so I invite you to click here to return to read of my latest grievous insult.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141419846175983372006-03-03T15:50:00.000-05:002006-03-03T16:09:03.326-05:00

Here's the blurb on the cover of The Copywriter's Handbook by Robert W. Bly (not the Iron John guy, it turns out):"I don't know a single copywriter whose work would not be improved by reading this book. And that includes me." — David Ogilvy.Doesn't this sound like Ogilvy is saying his work would surely be better if he read this book, although he has not yet actually done so?

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141353049058791022006-03-03T00:00:00.000-05:002006-03-03T01:29:36.383-05:00

Having words for the way you think is essential to the way you think, a theory goes. Take colours, for example. In English, red and pink are traditionally named as different colours, whereas other languages don't necessarily make this distinction, seeing only light red. However, Russian treats light blue (goluboy) as a distinct colour from dark blue (siniy) in a way that English doesn't but that

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141239230776261852006-03-02T01:27:00.000-05:002006-03-02T12:07:05.930-05:00

I regret to say that Katherine, my oft-mentioned favorite Englishwoman, is dead.I now hasten to add, with no regret whatsoever, that the above is happily false. The celebrated Muse of Ruddy Ruddy is very much alive, but merely wanted me to make a false report of her demise, being well aware of my love of starting unfounded rumours and having reproached me earlier for doing so when I mentioned

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141183193040017202006-03-01T21:00:00.000-05:002006-09-18T13:50:05.506-04:00

A few weeks back, I had a look at some celebrities that I've been said to resemble. It could have been worse, all in all. My sister went to that website MyHeritage.com and while she was getting some good results such as Cybill Shepherd, it was also claiming she looked like Robert Loggia or something ridiculous like that. Looking back on it, I forgot a few of my doppelgängers. Here are some

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1141086615421699342006-02-27T19:25:00.000-05:002006-02-27T23:16:20.683-05:00

The comic Achewood is always great, but to quote Lyle, the current story arc about the Great Outdoor Fight has got me so pumped I could play a trumpet with my cock. If you're not up to speed, start the story here and watch man destroy man at the Great Outdoor Fight.Also: While I'm passing on links, this entry at The Rhetorical Letter Writer made me laugh myself sick.Also also: The same evening I

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1140754845183701002006-02-23T23:17:00.000-05:002006-02-23T23:20:45.200-05:00

It's always nice when strange women are thinking of you. Without knowing it, Heather over at Champagne Minimalist has managed to guess my zodiacal sign (which is the same as hers).

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1140492213784019382006-02-22T12:50:00.000-05:002006-02-22T15:28:43.656-05:00

The local constabulary was stumped. Moments before the party was to have begun, Colonel Maynard had been found with a stab wound in his back. He lay in front of the buffet table, which held a large ice sculpture of a heron, although its long, sharp beak had been broken off and was missing. No murder weapon could be found, although a still-warm hairdryer was discovered plugged into a nearby

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1140495741138649742006-02-21T00:06:00.000-05:002006-02-21T19:10:50.256-05:00

Speaking of kids and badly misconstruing the nature of their existence and parentage, this was me at a party the other night. I surely won't be invited back.Some guy [to a girl I had been talking to]: [mumble, mumble, something] your daughter.Me: Oh, you have a daughter?Girl: I had one when I was 14. She was adopted.Me [somehow not understanding]: You adopted a baby when you were 14? How is that

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1140139400929717012006-02-16T19:54:00.000-05:002006-02-17T01:25:28.980-05:00

The Ecuadorean girl at my bus stop asked me the other day about the puzzle I was doing. It turned out her command of the English language didn't include the word sudoku, which is of course because it is not an English word. I defined it as "a Japanese* number puzzle designed to make me feel stupid", adding that I hadn't had "that eureka moment" yet. Her face clouded with confusion again at the

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1140108681504701042006-02-16T11:28:00.000-05:002006-02-16T15:52:37.676-05:00

From the There Is Too Such a Thing As Bad Publicity Department:The angry Scottish guy from the Alexander Keith's commercial has been arrested on child porn charges, instantly achieving the unthinkable feat of leapfrogging past Canadian Tire Guy as the most reviled Canadian TV commercial spokesman. That dude's going to have to become a serial rapist to take his title back.Talk about dumping the

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1140017832898337132006-02-15T10:23:00.000-05:002006-02-15T10:52:27.820-05:00

The next time you want to discuss something frankly, instead of saying "Let's lay all our cards on the table," try saying "Let's lay all our cocks on the table."If anyone is perplexed by this, look slightly irritated at the interruption and say, "Dude, it's just an expression."Then try to steer the conversation back to the point at hand. If pressed, roll your eyes and insist that people have

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139962103228764112006-02-14T19:07:00.000-05:002006-02-14T21:22:37.936-05:00

As a Canadian, I secretly get a warm feeling every time someone sets the Stars and Stripes alight. (This is literally true. You might not know this, but many of us get through our long, cold winters by heating our houses with furnaces that run on American flags.)That said, I was confused by the photo in this story I saw in today's issue of 24 Hours:No, it's not the errant apostrophe in the

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139881848055439952006-02-13T20:14:00.000-05:002006-02-13T20:52:53.336-05:00

Let's just agree that Snakes on a Plane is not only the most brilliant high-concept four-word pitch in the history of movies, but also the best title ever. It was actually only the working title, but when they tried to change it, star Samuel L. Jackson put his foot down. "We’re totally changing that back," he said. "That’s the only reason I took the job: I read the title." And he's right. It

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139598398048434742006-02-10T13:34:00.000-05:002006-02-10T14:56:37.403-05:00

An observation: I was reading the "Dear Prudence" advice column at Slate.com last week and noticed that it was Margo Howard's last time writing for the column before moving on to a new advice-giving gig at Yahoo! News. Today, I noticed that they're spotlighting the column, which is now written by Emily Yoffe, with the words "Introducing Slate's New, Improved Dear Prudence".So I clicked on the new

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139463969371322752006-02-09T00:19:00.000-05:002006-02-09T13:26:09.053-05:00

Whoa. I just had to give out a fake phone number. Like a girl.I was just riding home on a streetcar on College St., getting ready to transfer to the Spadina subway, and immersed in a sudoku puzzle as I stood. Someone behind me tapped me on the shoulder just before the streetcar stopped. I let him by. The streetcar stopped. I got off, got on the subway, and transferred to the Bloor line, all the

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139427117792601682006-02-08T13:28:00.000-05:002006-02-09T01:41:22.060-05:00

I read a headline at CNN.com: "Bush urges end to cartoon violence". I was elated. Finally, in our time, we might see an end to the horrifying spectacle of cats having their faces blackened by sticks of dynamite shoved into their mouths by mice. To coyotes crushed under boulders. To ducks having their beaks spun around their heads by shotgun blasts.As it turned out, although animated mayhem might

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139420056753927452006-02-08T12:35:00.000-05:002006-02-08T15:42:56.173-05:00

It's hard to believe, but I've actually managed to physically injure my sense of irony.Monday night at fencing practice, an opponent managed to nail me really hard a couple of times in the back of my sword hand. (I call this my "zero parry". It's funny if you're a fencer.) It was a little tender for a while, but it didn't hurt at all by the next morning, and I didn't seem to have any sort of

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139370304516968592006-02-07T22:28:00.000-05:002006-02-07T22:45:04.663-05:00

Okay, so here's the deal with my head:As heir to my father's dubious legacy of alopecia and cheapness, I've been cutting my own hair using electric clippers for a while now. On Saturday, I needed to give myself a quick trim before heading out of town. I buzzed my head down to an eighth of an inch as usual. Then I took a quick moment to admire my bald head and suddenly hirsute back and shoulders,

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139291590303941882006-02-07T00:50:00.000-05:002006-02-07T00:53:10.320-05:00

From a thread at Double Minor about the ugliest hockey jerseys:

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139288706107830072006-02-06T23:23:00.000-05:002006-02-07T00:05:06.126-05:00

You'll never guess who replied to the post about Semenex: Team Semenex! Let's see what those cum-guzzlers have to say for themselves:While it is understandable that clowns probably don't get much action, oral or otherwise,1,2 for the rest of us vaginal and oral sex are both enjoyed... and often together. (I'll pause as you recover from the shock such a revelation surely must have caused you.)3

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2